When Bad Things Happen To Good People

This Sunday morning I woke up to my alarm clock telling me it was time to get into the shower in order to get to church on time. Upon opening my eyes I noticed that for the first time since I moved to Texas it was pouring rain outside my window. The other day it had rained for most of the evening, however by the morning the rain had stopped and people were able to pretend like the wet stuff had never touched the ground. However, this morning my window was stained with water marks streaking down the glass and it made me feel like I was at home. My fan had been blowing all night and giving me the morning chill I love so much. The one where all you have to do is readjust your position under your blanket and suddenly a burst of warmth you didn't realize was there encapsulates your being and makes it that much more difficult to get out of bed.

After hitting the snooze button a couple times and debating how to move forward with this Sunday morning, I finally got out of bed and made my cup of coffee and decided that rather than going to church this morning, I would spend my time this Sunday by myself listening to a sermon by Tim Keller. My wonderful father, before I left on my road trip down here to Texas gave me an iPod full of sermons by Tim Keller and highly recommended a few of the sermon series that he placed on there.

I listened to a couple of the sermons on my way down and since then have even spent some of my quieter mornings just sipping my coffee and listening to one of these sermons as well. Generally speaking, I'm pretty active in terms of my devotional ritual. On Sunday mornings I like to go to church for Sunday School, then the actual service, and then stay for lunch and talk to people about the sermon before having to go to work. Even in my daily devotional ritual I usually spend at least an hour reading and writing about the book of Acts. (For those who don't know, I've been working on and off for the past two years on a personal commentary on the book of Acts.)

Every once in a while though, usually after a pretty exhausting couple of days, I can't seem to cope with the idea of focusing in on worshiping God in my usual determined, goal oriented way. And on those days I take comfort in knowing that God does not require of me to worship Him in the same way every day. And so this morning I decided to simply relax and listen to a Tim Keller sermon from his series on Repentance.

What's funny to me is that at times I feel like my experience as a Christian and my father's experience as a Christian are so different that there is almost no way we could both find the same pastor to be so edifying. And yet, low and behold, here I am writing about how clear and easy to understand Tim Keller is, while at the same time retaining his dedication to a biblical exegesis of Scripture. Although he is preaching to a congregation in the heart of NYC, his words expand to all who call upon Christ as their Lord and Savior. He has a tremendous gift for understanding that in our 21st century culture we are so bogged down by false pre-suppositions and poor nomenclature, that all understanding of truth has been distorted to the point where we have millions of people in the USA who have no idea what life is all about and how to live it. This is not solely an American problem, however, it is one that must be tackled and I think Tim Keller does an amazing job of not only tackling it, but doing so efficiently and with clarity.

In his sermon on repentance this morning this morning he makes a statement that struck me for a few different reasons and it is on this point that I would like to continue. He says, when something bad happens to people, i.e. a tower falls over in Siloam and 18 people are killed, the question asked by people either consciously or sub-consciously is, "Why did that happen to those people and not others or me?" "Were those people greater sinners/worse people than me that they deserved to die and I do  not?"

The response that Tim Keller has to this question is remarkable because it is so backward thinking from what we are used to today, because in truth the idea is so prosaic, that we've forgotten its truth.
The question isn't "Why do bad things happen to good people?" But rather, "Why don't bad things happen more often?" Meaning, why does God spare us from calamity rather than allow us to be killed in the tower in Siloam? The pre-supposition that Dr. Keller accurately points out that most Christians today hold to is that somehow God owes us a comfortable life. Somehow, somewhere in the course of history, we got it into our heads that we deserve good things to happen to us. When in reality, if you are a Christian and you understand the radical destructive nature of sin, then you understand that you need an even more radically powerful Savior with the power to break you of your addiction to sin and turn your feet towards the path of righteousness.

We do not deserve a comfortable life. By no means. We have done nothing to deserve it, and yet the statement, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" would imply that we deserve good things to happen to us, that God somehow owes us a good life. But the reality is that it is God's grace that spares us from calamity and suffering. We deserve to suffer because we are sinners. We do not deserve God's grace, and yet we are so fundamentally self-centered and sinful that we have totally forgotten that all that we have comes from God's hand, and nothing we have done enables us to say, "I deserve these good things."

And yet we act like that! We say in our hearts, "I've worked so hard for these good things to happen to me." But there is no satisfaction in that. There is no joy in that. What Tim Keller tells us is that repentance is a necessary doctrine for all times in our lives. When we are sad we repent. When we are happy we repent. When we are mad we repent. We need to always be repenting. And not in a sense of, "I feel guilty and God needs to forgive me because I did something wrong." But in the truest sense of repentance where we recognize how unworthy we are of the good things that God has given us, and how lucky and grateful we should be to know that we have a Savior in Jesus Christ who intercedes on our behalf to the Father that we might live. True repentance, as Tim Keller puts it, comes when you recognize how truly terrible and unworthy you are, and at the same time how perfectly loved and received you are into Christ's Kingdom as a result of His shed blood on the Cross.

"You are more evil than you could ever imagine and at the same time, you are more loved than you could ever know." This is the amazing tension of Christianity that ought to cause us to be continually repenting. It's this worldview and framework that reveals to us the true nature of our relationship to Christ and how desperately we need Him. I hope you find this encouraging Reader. I encourage you to find this sermon series and be blessed by it, just as I have on a lazy, rainy Sunday morning.

That's all for now. Ciao and God Bless!

Hilary Hahn and Bach

This evening, as I sometimes do, I began browsing around some of my favorite musicians websites. This search naturally took me towards the website of Ms. Hilary Hahn. I have written before of her playing and albums. Her Higdon and Tchaikovsky album I critiqued on my other blog while I was living in Europe almost 18 months ago. I enjoyed the album and actually my appreciation for it has grown over time, as all fine quality music does. Miss Hahn will be releasing a new album in the coming months of 27 new encores written for solo violin. It's a very exciting project and I am excited to see what comes of it, considering her talent and ability to interpret a composers wishes so precisely.

What surprised me this evening, however, was to look at her discography and see that her very first album that she released fifteen years ago in 1997 were the complete Bach sonatas and partitas. A bold task for any musician, especially one of her age. Yet her interpretation of the infamous Bach Chaconne has become the standard recording for many violinists today. What I am asking myself today, however, is how her interpretation would sound different today. If I have one critique of Miss Hahn, it is that her sound is very consistent and sometimes lacks excitement. Balance and consistency is key to the playing of Bach, which is why her interpretations are so stellar. However, with those strengths being so accentuated in all of her playing i wonder if perhaps her interpretation today wouldn't be exactly the same as it was 15 years ago. Of course there would be definite maturation of sound, perhaps slight differences in articulation. But overall I picture no great difference.

For an artist with her depth and understanding of music, it surprises me that her tone is as consistent as it is. She established such a mature sound at such a young age, I almost believe that she plateaued with that first recording. Her interpretations of modern works are so clean and precise that she champions whatever is presented in front of her with such perfection that the works almost seem to daunting to attempt afterwards.
However, the classcs are open to such wide variety of interpretation that I honestly prefer many other violinists recordings to hers for many of the classic concertos such as the Mendelssohn, Beethoven, and Tchaikovsky.

I don't mean to be unnecessarily critical, but I believe that artists have a responsibility to branch out and try new things. I believe that Hahn has done an outstanding job of inspiring new compositions from multiple different composers and exposing the public to new works they might not otherwise listen to, I simply desire to see more pain and passion within her playing and not so much arithmetic.

These are the thoughts of a violinist on a Monday night. Who knows what the rest of the week might hold. Have a wonderful evening. Bye for now!

The Age of Not Believing

The title of this post comes from one of my favorite childhood movies, Bed Knobs and Broomsticks. And yet nothing further in this post will have anything to do with said favorite childhood film. What am I not believing you ask? Or perhaps, better yet, who is not believing? Well let me tell you! Everyone! That's who! Allow me to elaborate before you become altogether too confused and bored to continue reading.

I'm 23. Almost 24. College graduate. Recently employed. What does this mean professionally speaking? Absolutely nothing. The fact is that although I am no longer a college student and am seeking to establish myself professionally, no one professional actually takes me seriously because I'm 23, almost 24, and a recent college graduate. I have come to realize that I am stuck, yet again, in a period of life in which only certain people can identify with me. Maybe that's all life is. Maybe it's the reason why old people only hang out with old people. Or parents only hang out with other parents. I suppose it makes sense. But at the same time. I'm still miffed. I don't look at old people and think, "I can't identify with you do to your ridiculously large age." I seek to learn from anyone that will take the time to sit down and talk to me about what's going on in their own life and the questions they are asking.

I'm frustrated because I enjoyed college, but I am grateful that it is over. It was fun. I learned a lot, I practiced violin more than I ever thought I would, and now, I am working at a restaurant and hardly practicing violin at all, desperately trying to keep up both my French and German skills, and deciphering between grad school and seminary in France. All that aside, I think simply having the respect of other young professionals would aide me in my decision making process.

It really comes down to community. While at Hillsdale I had a great community of like-minded friends and believers who encouraged me and challenged me daily. Nowadays, I have to actively seek out anyone my age that lives near me and pray that they understand only a small portion of where my life is and can offer me at least some moral support.

Here's the thing. I had a great night tonight. I served Mayor Dave Bing and made a decent amount of money. I was able to get out of work a little after 10pm, which is shocking, and will hopefully be able to get a full night's sleep tonight to rest me to be able to work a double tomorrow.

But I had no one to share that with, besides you, dear reader, and look how faithful to you I have been. No one I could call and share my little victory with. Life simply continues, and no one knows the difference. I suppose perhaps I am simply saying, "Hey! Someone pay attention to me!" But I think it's more than that. I believe that life brings us various trials with the different stages that we go through as well, and I think this sentiment of loneliness is one of the greatest trials that I am dealing with at the moment. I know it's not forever. (Praise the Lord!) But the difficulty and question remains? How do I go forward? What is supposed to propel me forward into whatever stage might be next? These are the questions I am asking and seeking answers for. If you have any, let me know. Also, if you know of anyone who is around 23-30,Christian, and wants to live in the metro Detroit area, let me know, cause it would be great to get a roommate and move out of my parents house. And I know they would appreciate it too.

That is all for now. I will try to be more consistent in the future. We'll have to see if I am fortunate enough to be blessed with more evenings like this in the future. Ciao Ciao!

The Warring of Desire

Two Sides:

The side of faith, trust, obedience to law, of eyes gazing upward, of thoughts extending beyond the present towards an eternity totally unknown to the faithless.

The side of emotion, letting go, obedience to myself, of eyes gazing inward, of thoughts grounded in the moment being totally validated by a culture of lost souls.

Each and every one of us upon reading these words can identify in some way or another.

Those who are not saved will not understand what I am referring to because for you, only one side exists. If any of those words in the first side spoke to you and you do not know Jesus Christ as your Savior, then be glad because that means the Holy Spirit has already begun to work within you.

However, if the second side is how you perceive your reality, then I pray that you will find Jesus soon for it will only lead you toward loss and suffering greater than anything you might be able to imagine.

Two Sides:  God’s side or Man’s side. You choose! Paul put it this way in Romans:

Romans 7:18-25 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

As a Christian I struggle with doubt and fear as a direct result of this warring in my soul. The question of What If remains at the forefront of my mind at all times until I receive a momentary distraction through television, conversation, food, and any other good gift that God has given me that I have abused to satisfy my own cravings and fears.

Fear.

Am I afraid or do I fear? You know what’s interesting about being afraid and fearing something. One is an action verb and the other is a state of being. Puts fear into perspective doesn’t it? You have a choice. You can choose to give in to fear. Sometimes we don’t even know what we are giving into and we do it naturally because we don’t know any better. Man, that sucks! Wouldn’t it be nice if when we responded to something out of a gut instinct it would be the “right” reaction? Sadly, sin has crept itself into even the very core of our instincts so that we respond against God instead of for Him.

So what do we do? Learn from Paul and Praise the Lord that He has forgiven those sinful instincts and given us the opportunity through the Holy Spirit to learn from our sins and turn ourselves towards Christ and His grace.

You want to know what fear looks like. Something like this:

Have you ever asked yourself the question What if? What if I had taken a different job? What if I had married someone else? What if I had been born in a different family? What if I was born in a different country? Who would I be? Why am I who I am today?

What if every decision that we make has a consequence? What if those consequences are real? What if with every word that we speak we are shaping ourselves and others? What if I never got the chance to speak to that person again? What if all of these questions are wrong? What if there are no consequences? What if there is no reason?

Do you know what the common thread between each of these questions is? Doubt and Fear.

I find the insurance industry utterly fascinating because it works off of one pre-supposition: What If? All around the world millions of people have purchased insurance just in case. Someone a very long time ago suggested the idea of insurance and in so doing created not only an extremely marketable business model, but also entrapped us all into paying thousands of dollars every year out of fear. Is insurance good? I would venture to say no. Is insurance necessary? Today, I would sadly say yes.

I ask myself every single day What If? Why me? Why this?

Why has God made me the person that I am and not something else? Why have I experienced the things that I have and not others? Why has God structured my life in such a way so that I do certain things but not others?

I have seen specific events occur in my life that have drastically shaped who I am and I know what the opposite result would have been had those events not occurred. What does that mean? It means there are two sides and my life reflects of the side that I have chosen most often. Does that mean I have always chosen God’s side? By no means! But in terms of the large scale scope of events in my life, I have turned away from giving into my natural desires for doing the harder thing more often than not.

And yet.

These two words haunt me through film and music every day. Why you ask? Because every time I see a movie or hear a song that talks about giving into those desires, expressing who you are, being true to yourself, and living with no regrets, I fall victim to the onslaught of the other side and ask myself, “is it really worth it?” Is it worth it to choose God’s side and not my own?

Honestly, if I were not a Christian, I would probably have pursued going to college at a secular institution like U of M and would probably be seeking to make a career or something like it on Broadway. The instinct to sing and dance at all times is a very natural one to me. The idea of expressing the human experience through voice, instruments, dance, and all other forms of artistic expression is one of the most natural and understandable things in the entire world to me.

I might be the least scientific person in the entire world. I got a C- in Bio 1-0-Stupid. But the idea of expressing one’s self through some sort of physical action is almost more natural to me than breathing.

I look back on my life and I see how the college that I chose truly shaped who I am today in such an incredible way. Similarly, I also see how my grandfather’s death when I was 11 and the depression that lasted for 3 years afterwards also tremendously affected me.

Why do I play the violin? Why do I speak French? Why do I love pizza so much? Did god really have all of these things in mind for me? In my mind I know the answer is yes. And yet, (there are those damned words again) in my heart I know I question it. It is in my heart that my questions and doubts and fears lie. Not in my mind. The heart is the fountain of all things deceitful to me.

Trying to give it away is the most arduous and difficult thing for me to do. I desire in my mind and in a portion of my heart to give my heart in love to God. to fall in love with my Savior day after day and rest in His arms of grace that protect and guide me until the day when I will be called into His kingdom and will enter with tears of complete and utter joy as all of the burdens of this life and warring of my soul has ended. When God’s side will have won and Man’s side will have lost. Where the Creator retains forever that which He has created.

But until that day comes I will continue to war. The warring in my heart and soul and mind will continue day after day. I will doubt. I know I will. I will sin. I know I will. But, (perhaps some have argued is the greatest word in the Bible) I will not change sides. My choice has been made. There is no turning back. I will want to turn back and in the process of always changing direction might become dizzy, but Praise the Lord that His Holy Spirit it right there to stop me from spinning to refocus my thoughts, attitudes, and actions towards Christ again.

Lord, I pray. Do a good work in me. Not for my sake, but for Your Name. That name that is above all other names: Jesus Christ. Amen!

The Plan

Let's talk about "The Plan."

Originally my plan had been to write frequently on this blog about my love of music, wine, food, and occasional observations about working in the food service industry. That plan hasn't panned out quite as I had intended.


Intended though. Has anything in our lives truly been accomplished as we "intended" it? I intended to graduate from Hillsdale College in the spring of 2010 with a music major in violin performance. That did happen....sort of. Although I had finished my music major by graduation what I had not intended when I began my degree in the fall of 2006 was to add a French major and a German minor. In fact, learning both French and German were at the very bottom of my priorities list. The only reason I actually took French in the first place is because of my inane desire to be a non-conformist and NOT take Spanish like everyone else, and I couldn't stand the sound of German.

Now look at me. Looks at where my intentions got me. Not only taking both French and German but giving up on a career as a violinist all together (as occupation not avocation) and reminiscing on 6 months passed in Europe just this time last year. So what does this tell me? The obvious answer is that we are not in control. Solomon says it best. Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps."

In other words, each of us has intentions about where our lives will go and where we desire for it to go, but ultimately it is the Lord who governs our paths. Here's the interesting part to me. Whenever I make a plan, I stick to it as if my life depended on it. A bullheadedness that I am sure I got passed down genetically from one of my parents. When I put my mind to something it becomes my overarching goal in all of my actions. Even now, in writing this I am trying to better understand my goals through processing them in words.

And yet, as I consider the plans that I have made in my life for where I wanted it to be and where I would like to see it go, I can safely say, I have no idea.

Seriously. Do I still have desires for what I would like to accomplish? Of course! Have I lapsed into some sort of apathy? By no means! Rather, I am beginning to understand "The Plan."

I have either heard or heard  two or three sermons references in the past week that each made the same point. Each used different words but the truth is the same: There is no Plan B.

When discussing the issue of The Fall and sin and why God allowed Adam and Eve to sin many theories over the centuries have developed. But each of the false ones fall short in one critical arena. They all assume that God screwed up and had to make a new plan that involved Jesus dying on the cross. We were made perfect and we were intended to be perfect for all of eternity, and then something slipped up and either man plunged us into sin, or God allowed us to be plunged therein. Either way, both of these presuppositions assume that God is NOT sovereign and that He somehow adjusted His plan after man sinned.

But that is simply not true. There was never a Plan B. It was, is, and always will be Plan A!

This is not only comforting theologically, but practically as well. Something I am learning most Reformed believers struggle at grasping. I don't mean to criticize, but as a child of the Reformed tradition I have seen in how many ways my fellow Reformed brothers and sisters fail to live out practically the truths we theologically understand. We turn everything into a theological test and as long as we have an answer that retains our apologetic, we are satisfied. For all intensive purposes, we allow our theological understanding to turn us into Super-Calvinists. Although we don't believe that to be true, our actions would speak to the contrary.

What I have seen, however, is many non-Reformed believers who actively pursue holiness and imitation of Christ on a practical and humble level every day of their lives in a way that I have never seen in the Reformed community. I have been both humbled and convicted by these faithful witnesses of Christ as they demonstrate in thought, word, and deed how Christ has changed them forever and there is no turning back.

I believe that part of my obsession with the plan comes from my Reformed upbringing. Some Reformed believers use having a bullet-proof apologetic as a means to appear as if they are in control. That they have a knowledge that will ultimately protect them from the uncertainties of life and the struggles of faith that each person will go through in this life. We allow our answers to every questions keep us from turning to God in true faith because our faith is found in words and logical conclusions, not a heart that is humbly and fearfully clinging to the Cross of Christ.

This has also been how I have looked at the plan of my life. Whenever I hear someone say, "I have no idea what I am doing, and I am ok with that." Although not my first reaction, upon further thought, I realize that I am saying to myself, "Wow! I'm glad I'm not that guy."

What a sick and prideful response. I must be a sinner or something? But it's true. I do think in those terms because I fear not having a plan. I fear not knowing the direction of my life or where God is leading me. Of course this doesn't mean that I sit around and simply pray saying,"God give me direction." And then just wait for an answer. It doesn't work that way. Neither does it always go according to the plan that we believe God has laid out for us.

We can't just sit around and we can't spontaneously just jump into new life changing circumstances either. We must ask for counsel, prayerfully consider the consequences of the potential change, but most importantly, move forward in faith. It's never easy stepping out in faith, and yet I have never looked back in my life and said, "Man, that step of faith was totally not worth it." It's ALWAYS worth it!

Whether not giving up on a seemingly hopeless friendship, trekking across Europe by myself, or entering a new job with no former experience, Christ has guided every step by His amazing grace!

Sometimes I forget about that. I forget the amazing grace that is constantly working within me and in which I can rest, knowing that all things work for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. But it's always there working within me, even when I don't think it is.

Seeing the big picture is an essential part of planning as well. Trying to imagine hat my life would be like in 5,10,15,20,30, or 40 years and how my actions now will affect those later years. But God calls us to think even beyond that. In one of the most incredible books I have ever read, K.P. Yohanan calls every Christian to Live in the Light of Eternity. To understand that not only do our actions reflect our futures here on Earth, but that we are called to commit ourselves to Christ's Kingdom in Eternity and that is our true purpose for living on this planet for the short period of time that we are here.

My plan has been to pursue a career in Christian Counseling by going to Westminster Theological Seminary to pursue a Masters of Divinity with an emphasis in Counseling and study under men such as Ed Welch, David Powlison, Paul Tripp, and Timothy Lane. But I don't know if that's where God is calling me. It's been sort of a safe bet for me to go to seminary for the past year or so. I thought to myself, I don't have a sense of direction, but at least I know that in Seminary I'll be glorifying God better than I am here and that must be the best thing, right? Right?

I'm now starting to think that may not be true. Maybe it was simply a defensive diversionary tactic in my mind. Playing it safe rather than taking the hard way. I still don't know.

I ask myself all the time, "Ok, God. How are you putting all of these things together?" Christian Counseling seemed logical to me. It seemed to make all of the pieces fit together in the puzzle of my life according to how I see it. But therein lies the problem. According to how I see it. The fact remains that I can't see all the pieces and I am simply trying to keep the ones that I know I have put together in some sort of cohesive state until more are revealed to me.

I like that analogy of a puzzle. It accurately depicts exactly how I try and manouvre my life. But the fact is that the puzzle will not be put together in this life. It will always be a mess of different pieces being put together in wrong places and being fixed until the day when the Puzzle Maker will put them all together exactly where they belong.

I don't know what pieces the Lord will lay in front of me next. But I do know that the pieces will all come together in eternity and that it is simply my responsibility to continue to trust in God that He is ultimately putting all of the pieces together.

I hope you all find similar peace in the plan that God has for your lives. I pray these thoughts encourage you to give up the false security of a plan conceived in your mind and give you hope and strength to cling to the plan that God has in store for you. The never changing Plan A.

Sleepless Nights...

Sadly, yet again, I have been remiss to post more often on my new blog. Although I try to not get too caught up in the whole, “I ought to post more often” thing, I am still human and like trying to keep myself accountable to my loyal fan…(s?) So dear reader it is 1am on my day off. Why am I still up, you ask? Because, I tell you, for whatever reason, sleep has decided to escape from me for the past three weeks or so. To be honest I blame my sister. She kicked me out of sleeping on the basement couch a couple weeks ago and it’s been downhill ever since.

Do you have to have the perfect or at least almost perfect sleeping arrangement in order to fall asleep? Let me assure you, I DO! I need it cold, and quiet, and with a big comforter and a supportive and yet flexible pillow. Lord willing I will one day find a wife with similar qualities.

These ideal conditions have evaded me for quite some time now. It’s like when you go back to sleeping on a twin size bed after sleeping on a full or queen size for a period of time. It requires some adjustment. Normally, I can simply position myself against the wall and it works itself out. However, this hasn’t been working lately. Similar techniques such as adopting the fetal position, obscene drinking, and children’s Nyquil have also failed.

Desperation is not becoming of anyone. Except perhaps a small puppy that just wants some love, but besides puppies, desperation is never good. And yet, this is my reality at the moment. Many people have told me that they can identify with needing sleep simply as a needed respite from the work and pressures that the day has brought upon them. During those nights I can typically force myself asleep. On nights like tonight, however, where I have practically nothing to do tomorrow besides wash my uniform and go to the bank, staying up till 3am doesn’t seem so bad except trying to stay up that late doing anything productive is an exercise in futility. And anyone who has exercised often in futility knows how futile it is and has decided to eat a sandwich instead.

Blogging and listening to music seem to be my only two sources of relief on nights like these. Tonight I happen to be streaming through the list of different songs covered by Karmin in an effort to amuse myself. Other nights I seek to educate myself by watching videos of different violinists on Youtube or opera arias sung by my favorite singers such as Natalie Dessay or Cecilia Bartoli.

Speaking of music, this week I purchased the new Maroon 5 album Hands All Over, and honestly, I really like it. I remember in high school when Maroon 5 was very popular and since then they haven’t really done much. I maybe Hillsdale just shut me off from whatever they were doing, but honestly I really like their sound that they have on this album. It’s a lot of fun and it includes a cover of Alicia Keys’ If I Ain’t Got You that is awesome! If you’re looking for a good pick me up album for your chore days or for on your way to work, I recommend Maroon 5 to you.

So my question to you is, how do you kill time like insomnia? I’ve tried reading, but honestly, something within me is repulsed by the idea of reading past midnight. Maybe it’s just bad memories from high school and college, but I want to enjoy my reading with tea or coffee with the daylight streaming in on my couch as I educate myself and pause to contemplate whilst looking out the living room window.

Perhaps I will be fortunate enough to be able to live out this picture tomorrow. Let’s hope so. I would appreciate your prayers that I might be able to find a solution to my sleepless ways. Otherwise, more late night ranting will occur. In any case, I am going to try and reading some music and follow along with a recording and hope that helps. Bruch’s Scottish Fantasy is a great piece for just such an occasion. Have a wonderful night all, and I hope that you all sleep better than I do. Ciao!

How do you spend your time?

Time. The age old vestige. Can’t really escape it. Constantly stresses us out and at some deeper level I think terrifies us all. But without getting all existential and philosophical, I would like to pose a question: What does a 23-year old do with his time? This is the question, as a 23-year old, I have been asking myself. Friends have been discussing how much they miss college and how “real life” isn’t as good as college life. Many people say their college days were their best days. Personally, I always found that to be sad. Did I make the best friends I have now in college? Absolutely! But do our friendships exist only within the framework of college? Absolutely not! We’re all going through the same stuff now that we are graduated. Granted I am not married or having a baby or teaching at some great school. But for the 4% of Hillsdale graduates, there is much to be lived for outside of college and now the question is simply, how do I live it?

So I have a job. This job is great. It pays the bills, enables me to save up a vast majority of my money for graduate school, and at the same time I can still buy great cheese, wine, and other food delicacies that make life fun and demonstrate the incredible diversity of the awesome God that we serve. But there is still more time. The job takes up about 45 hours a week when you factor in the driving time. But if I am being totally honest with myself, I sleep in till about 11 every day. Part of it is recovery from work, but a bigger part of it is simply not having anything else to do.

I remember while I was a student at Hillsdale I would wake up at 7:50AM every day leave the house by 8:45 and not come back until 1:00AM when I would slump into bed and sleep for almost 7 hours and do it all over again. For 17 hours a day I was running my butt off from one thing to the next. It was great! I am very much a workaholic I have noticed. So should I get another part time job? Is that a wise usage of my time? On top of my job I also always feel a need to be learning and therefore I have been reading books like When People Are Big and God Is Small by Ed Welch and A Quest For More by Paul Tripp. These books are part of a series that I purchased from CCEF, which is the Christian Counseling organization I desire to be a part of one day. These authors are the men I hope to study under when I go to Westminster one day soon and therefore I want to make myself as familiar with their works as possible. Since I can’t be in classes, reading their books is the 2^nd best thing.

So do I get another job? Do I focus more on reading and studying? Where does God’s Word fit into all of this? While I was living in France last year I started writing a personal Commentary on the book of Acts. It was extremely encouraging and uplifting and I have been remiss to begin writing them again out of the struggle of being a sinner that exists so strongly in my heart.

Questions of time. How to spend it. And actually having the motivation to do it. Saying to myself, do it yourself and be diligent to stay consistent with it. And of course, all of these ideas assume that there are no other distractions in my life. Like paying bills, or returning overdue movies to RedBox, or shaving on a regular basis. These all take away from the time I have as well. It would be an interesting movie to see how people would act if our time weren’t limited. Make the setting for the movie our same society and culture, but make everyone immortal. I would love to know how many chiropractors and massage therapists there would be. How often people get together for a coffee date. Why rush? There’s all the time in the world to get together and talk. Many more ideas come to mind as well, but I will leave you with those ones.

I have to go get ready for work now because sadly, my time is limited and I only had 20 minutes to write this. Happy Thursday! Ciao!