I haven't had a chance to write in a little while but because I am fortunate enough to be in the middle of two days off in a row, I'm finding myself with a little bit of time to do the things that I really enjoy without feeling rushed to run out the door to work. I've actually started a number of posts and haven't shared them because they've been too much ranting about how much I wasn't enjoying Texas and my negative observations about a group of people that I really haven't had enough experience with in order to make a clear judgment either way. One thing I do know however, that has not changed, is that I miss the cold, I miss the fall, and I need water!
I've always had a draw towards lakes, the ocean, any body of water really and now, living in San Antonio I feel that draw more than ever. I hope that my next stop will take me to either the East or West Coast of the Unites States, but that still remains to be seen whether or not that will actually happen.
Today however, I don't want to talk about Texas but rather about how my perspective on social situations has changed. Being an intrinsically extroverted person, I've never struggled in my adult life in social situations. But I realized recently that the way in which I now make friends, acquaintances, and network with people has changed drastically. In high school and college, making friends was merely a matter of becoming comfortable with people that I was already surrounded by on a daily basis and just drumming up enough courage to say, "Hi! What do you like to do?" Eventually, good friends were made and the details of how we met or became friends became unimportant in comparison to the gratitude that we all hold for each other in being friends.
But real life doesn't afford the same circumstances. I almost find that to be sad, but in truth it's realistic. I have to work harder at making friends and establishing good relationships with people and it takes a lot longer simply due to the fact that we all have real jobs and other obligations.
I used to hold to the idea that I could become very close friends with someone in a matter of spending 6 hours with them depending on the sort of connection established in that time. What I have come to learn especially in the past couple years, is that my truest friends are the ones who know my life outside of the circumstances that brought us together in the first place. Simply because we went to college together and share similar values doesn't mean that we are very close even though we are friends. I remember in high school I had a friend who I invited into every aspect of my life and now when we see each other she understands much better than most the full extent of what I'm talking about. Today, it's very rare for me to have such a friend. Even when talking to my best friends in the world, I will surprise them by saying I'm jetting off somewhere around the country to go visit someone they've never heard me mention before.
The argument could be made that if I hadn't mentioned them before, then they must not be very important to me, if my "best friends" have never heard of them before. However, I don't think that's true at all, particularly for me. Even though I do have many friends who I treasure and value deeply, many of them never meet each other. I don't really have "groups" of friends. I have friends, who sometimes gather into a group, but they are not a group of friends. What I mean by this is simply that I establish a connection with individuals, not groups of people. It's remarkable actually. I can connect with two people on an individual basis and when those two people come together in a social situation with me, I literally don't know what to do. I relate to each person in their own way, and so trying to connect two people together who don't know each other in the way that I know them causes me great frustration and ultimately to shut down socially. It's only when the two people know me well enough to know that this is what's going on and say, "Ben, it's ok. Just do what you want to do," that I finally feel free to establish a new level of connection between the three of us.
It's so strange. But I honestly believe it's a gift. It's also one of my largest motivations for considering getting my masters in Christian Counseling. I connect with people at the individual level because I desire naturally to invest in them and help them to improve. Even professionally speaking I do the same thing. I make friends at work and I desire to see them improve their lives. I try to motivate them to challenge themselves to do better and hope they are grateful for the challenge and don't hold it against me.
Ultimately, it has everything to do with Christ. I want to challenge people to get beyond themselves and see Christ. We all have barriers that block and inhibit our ability to see this world through the lens of Christ and I hope that perhaps Christ might use me as He has used others in my life to help me see through His lens as an instrument for His glory. We all have a mission while we are here on Earth. I believe that the mission that God has given me is to connect with people and I pray that through my relationship with them they might turn more towards Christ in prayer and thanksgiving in all things.
If I could accomplish this with just one person, then I know that my life will have been worth it. I have no desire to change the lives of thousands through great speeches and millions of dollars. But if I am privileged enough one day to hear the words of my own child say, "I am the person I am today in Christ because of my father" that will be enough for me. The impact that one person can make in terms of the community of believers, to me, is one of the most beautiful aspects of life.
There is much more that could be said on the subject, but for now I will leave you with this. Although my mode d'emploi of making friends has changed, the goal has remained consistent. To consistently seek to bless others and draw them closer to Christ in all things is all I can hope to achieve in this life. That's who I am, and who I believe God made me to be.
That's what I got for now. I hope this wasn't too tedious and thanks for sticking with me to the end. Have a great day! Ciao for now!
