Why, Thursday? Why?

So it's Thursday. Normally Thursday is a decent night at the restaurant. There have actually been nights where we have had 300 covers on a Thursday. P.S. Covers = Customers in the restaurant biz. Tonight however, was not one of those nights. Rather I had 4 tables and a total of 16 customers. To be fair, considering I only had 4 tables, I did pretty well for the night. But last Thursday I thought someone was going to die at the restaurant, and tonight I was doing ok and then something set in and I felt absolutely miserable.

My boss always says, "If you don't wanna be here. That's fine. We don't want your negative attitude to affect our customers anyway." Well fortunately I was able to get through the whole night without too much of a problem. But the fact that I only had 4 tables definitely helped.  I got out of work at about 10:20, 50 minutes after we "close" to the public.

It's strange how these nights exist at the restaurant. Sometimes you are totally on your A-Game, and other nights you are totally off. For example, I know I am not supposed to eat anything that goes on the Salad Area portion of the restaurant, and tonight, directly in front of the chef, I just put something in my mouth. The sad part is, I don't even know what it was. I tasted it and it was awful. And then the residual flavor stayed in my mouth even past drinking some delicious Arizona iced tea. Not only was it in front of the chef. But it was in front of my manager as well. I just zoned out and then when my manager asked me why I did what I did, I gave the worst answer ever...."I don't know."

And it was true. I really didn't know. Somehow, the thing that I put in my mouth appeared to me to be a scallop. Do we have scallops at the restaurant? No. Have we ever had scallops? No. So why would it be a scallop? Because I wasn't thinking about the logical circumstances that were surrounding me. Rather I wasn't thinking at all and almost ruined everyone's evening because the chef has the capability of saying whether or not the employees get food at the end of the night, and things like that will make him say no.

Anywho. I was in such a frustrated mood tonight that I came home and made a really strong batch of Sangria with Merlot, Peach Schnopps, Captain Morgan Black, and Vernors. It honestly is quite nice, with the exception of the fact that it's very strong...

Here's the thing. (Normally, for those who know me quite well they know that when I say Here's the thing, a long explanation is required. I will refrain this time for the sake of your sanity and eyesight.) I am not even upset at anyone in particular, besides myself. I have been reading this amazing book called A Quest For More, by Paul David Tripp, one of the men I hope to study with at Westminster, and it's talking about how our entire lives we live believing that we are living only for ourselves and our purpose here on this Earth. When in reality, God is using each and every one of us to fulfill His kingdom purposes and when we act as if we run our own mini kingdoms, which we all do, we forget that God has designed us for something better.

Sin gets in the way.

While I was at work I was thinking heavily about this book and asking myself the question, "Am I living for my kingdom, or for God's? And naturally, because God is a loving, just, and kind God, He decided to test me. I realized that in my actions at work I was gossiping. Promoting more autonomous behavior amongst my coworkers, and having an attitude that reflected a bitterness towards not making more money, and more importantly, not finding contentment in God alone.

This of course just frustrated me further and caused me to become even more self-conscious of how much I needed to fix my attitude and why I wanted so desperately to leave work.

God's word, and those who preach it well, is tremendously challenging. Sometimes I don't feel qualified for the challenges that God puts before me. I feel totally overwhelmed and unqualified. And the fact is, I am unqualified. However, by God's grace, I know that He only allows me to go through trials that I am equipped to go through. I know that if it were too much for me to bear, I wouldn't go through the trial at all. Praise be to the loving God, who so tenderly cares for us that all of our trials are hand picked by Him according to His will, in order that we might be more and more conformed to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. I thank God for giving me the trials that I have already gone through because I know they have made me that much more dependent on Him, and His decrees. May I ever and only cling to the Author and Perfector of my faith, Jesus Christ.

I hope that you all are encouraged by my words and know that if you have ever doubted God's personal love for you, know that He has arranged every little detail of your life. You simply need to choose to recognize Him as the provider of those details. He knows you better than you know yourself and all of your needs.

I hope this post encourages you and turns you towards prayer and Christ. Have a wonderful night. Ciao!